Change is a way of life for all of us. Some changes are life-altering, such as job loss, the death of a spouse, financial disaster, coronavirus and/or other major health issues. We watch old ways of doing things go by the wayside as we make a shift to the new way of life that requires a new mindset and a new way of living. It’s time to feed the wolf called Happiness.
A period of change is a time that we can choose to live from feelings of fear, lack, and competitiveness, or we can make compassion, gratitude, optimism, kindness, forgiveness and cooperation the foundation from which we make the necessary changes
Several years ago, my husband Charles became very ill due to infection. When we realized that he would probably not recover, it felt like our world had crashed around us. We were afraid, we were angry, and we felt helpless. It all seemed so unfair. How could this have happened to us? We were smothered in anxiety and depression. How would we ever find happiness again?
When the Student is ready, the teacher will appear
There is a saying, “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” During this time of illness and change, we were to have many teachers. One of the teachers was this Parable of the Two Wolves:
A Cherokee elder was teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. It is a terrible fight between two wolves. One is named Unhappiness; the other is Happiness. The wolf called Unhappiness is fear, anger, envy, sorrow, self-pity, regret, greed, arrogance, jealousy, hatefulness, guilt, self-doubt, lies and ego. The one called Happiness is optimism, joy, peace, love, hope, humility, serenity, kindness, benevolence, empathy, friendship, compassion, generosity, faith and truth. This same fight goes on inside of you, and inside every other person.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute. Then he asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?” The old chief simply replied: “The one that you feed.”
We faced the challenges over the next four years, and quickly discovered this: Transitions are smoother, and life remains more satisfying and fulfilling when you feed the wolf called Happiness. Keep your focus on the good stuff (and there is always good stuff.)
How to Feed The Wolf Called Happiness
Here are some strategies you can use if you, too, choose to feed the wolf called Happiness:
Be consciously grateful for what you have (Happiness Habit #1)
Gratitude is closely linked to optimism. Every morning when I walk with my dog, Maggie, I list in my mind the things I am grateful for that particular day (different things each day). Just that simple practice gets my day off to such a positive, high-energy start! Consider starting a daily gratitude practice. Here is one way to start: Each morning or evening before bed, write down three different things you are grateful for. A gratitude practice keeps you focused on the things that are still good in your life despite the challenges you may be facing.
Cultivate Optimism (Happiness Habit #2)
You may have had a friend or family member tell you to “look at the bright side of things.” Researchers in Positive Psychology validate this advice when they tell us that looking for what is right in a situation rather than what is wrong is a good strategy for happiness. Imagine that you have just moved into a new community. As you drive through the community, you discover many beautiful gardens. You also drive by one small, but very unattractive section of town – the town dump! Here is the key question that will determine how happy you will be with the community you have chosen: “Are you going to focus on the beautiful gardens or on the unattractive dump?”
Practice Acts of Kindness (Happiness Habit #4)
(I haven’t forgotten Happiness Habit #3) — we’ll get there next time!)
Whether you are the giver or the recipient, acts of kindness are uplifting. When I am experiencing a low mood, just picking up the phone and calling someone that may be a little lonely, sad, or worried probably does more for my spirits than for the person I call. Think about simple acts of kindness you can do for others; it could be something as small as a smile at the grocery store.
Create and nurture positive relationships (Happiness Habit #5)
Uplifting friends and family members can be a great source of joy and support, as well as an excellent buffer against stress. One way to these relationships is verbalizing your appreciation for having them in your life and/or for things they have done for you.
Practice Forgiveness (Happiness Habit #10)
When you practice forgiveness, you are not condoning the act of the other person. You are just relieving yourself of the burden of anger and resentment, two major sources of stress.
A Choice
Feeling the wolf called happiness is a choice of attitudes and actions each of us make every day. As you begin each day, ask yourself, “Which wolf will I feed today?”
May you be happy, healthy and safe!
Donna
Note: This blog is an adaptation of my April 2011 article in eBella magazine, Feed the Wolf Called Happiness