“At times, our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.”
~Albert Schweitzer
Today we are living in an era in which a new and shocking awareness is emerging – the realization that our lives are likely to be changed forever as a result of the coronavirus pandemic. The world basically came to a standstill as daily activities were put on hold and lifestyles were dramatically changed. Each of us has our own personal experiences as we work from home (if we are lucky enough to still have work,) help with our children’s education from home and interact with family members on a 24/7 basis.
When the pandemic began, it was hard to see what good might come of this. But the answer is becoming clear. We are seeing inspiring stories every evening on TV or other media of family members, friends, communities, frontline workers and others across the world helping and supporting each other in ways never before imagined. But perhaps the most surprising good thing is that we have an opportunity each day to choose new attitudes for ourselves that support both happiness and health.
One of those attitudes is gratitude. Our minds are so easily attracted to the negative – to fears of dreadful things that might occur in the future. What if we have to shelter in place for a year? What if the economy collapses? What if the grocery stores run out of food? It is this this obsession with the negative that leads us down a path filled with fear, anxiety and a depressed state of mind. Consciously choosing to practice gratitude, however, can provide an antidote to the habit of focusing on the negative, and focusing, instead, on the many positive and supportive occurrences each day.
Happiness isn’t about how much you have. It’s about appreciating what you have, even when it doesn’t seem like a lot by most standards. According to Dr. Robert Emmons, author of the book Thanks! How the New Science of Gratitude can make you Happier,”people who focus on what they are grateful for experience higher levels of positive emotions, cope more effectively with stress, show increased resilience in the face of trauma, recover more quickly from illness and experience greater physical health. That’s quite a testimony for the benefits of gratitude!
Gratitude is about more than just saying “thanks.” It is about being in the present moment, counting your blessings and appreciating life – even if it is temporarily disrupted. It’s not surprising that when people experience traumatic events such as job loss, financial concerns or a diagnosis of a serious illness, they tend to think more negatively. It’s harder for them to see the good that is in their lives. But the surprising benefit of gratitude is that it helps you deal with stress and trauma by putting a different spin on the stressful event, coming to grips with it and moving on. For example, if you have just lost your job, you aren’t likely to immediately be able to change that situation, but focusing on the things that are good in your life goes a long way toward training your mind and shaping a mental outlook that promotes happiness despite the job loss.
If you are a person who experiences gratitude, you are typically aware of the good things that happen to you and take the time to express your thanks. You might be grateful for specific things people do such as acts of kindness for friends and family, the courageous acts of frontline people during the COVID-19 crisis. You might feel a sense of gratitude toward personal or non-human sources such as God, nature and animals. In my own life, I feel this kind of gratitude on a daily basis for the therapeutic presence of my dog, Maggie—a rescue golden retriever who is by my side constantly—and I tell her “thank you” many times every day.
If the practice of gratitude appeals to you, here are some steps to get you started.
- Notice your feelings (mindfulness). A good starting part for increasing your gratitude is to notice how you are feeling. Start noticing the things that please you, that make you feel good. Write them down. Keep noticing more and more things that please you and write these down as well. For example, as I am sitting here in my chair, I think of the good health I am fortunate enough to be enjoying. Then I notice my computer that has been serving me well with little or no repair for the last two or three years. I glance out the window and enjoy the sun shining on the lawn and flowers. You can do this mindfulness exercise as many times as you want throughout the day. The more things you find to appreciate, the better you will feel. The better you feel, the better it gets!
- Practice expressing gratitude. This is a great time to reconnect with old friends with whom you have been out of touch. Give them a call and let them know how much you appreciate their friendship and what that friendship has meant to you over the years. And here’s another idea— of an important person from your past or present life to whom you are grateful for making a positive difference in your life. Write a one-page testimonial. If you choose, share it with the person for whom it is written. If you have the chance, spend time talking about the things that made this person so important to you. One of my favorite “thank-you” people is my friend who makes my dog’s food. With her careful choice of nutrients, she has brought Maggie from an overweight, sluggish, bored with life dog who was always scratching to a slim, happy, healthy and energetic dog. I let Stephanie know how much I appreciate her efforts every time I pick up Maggie’s food. I can almost promise you that if you engage in this particular gratitude practice, you cannot fail to experience significant joy, happiness and increased warmth toward other people in your life, to say nothing of the happiness you bring to them.
- Nightly gratitude ritual. This tried and true nightly ritual requires very little time. Each night when you go to bed, identify and say thanks for something for which you are grateful (good friends, good health, etc.) Focus on a new and different object of gratitude each night. This exercise will seem easy at first, but as you stretch your mind looking for new things to be grateful for, you will be focusing more and more on things that please you, and less on those things that do not please you. As you become more mindful and give more attention to the blessings in your life, old habits of negativity are gradually replaced by new thoughts of appreciation.
- Gratitude in tough times. Remember that when you are at your lowest and feeling the least thankful least thankful, that is when you most need the benefits of gratitude. At the start of your day is a good time to review those things for which you are grateful. These things can be as basic as gratitude for the bed in which you sleep and a roof over your head. Then your list might expand to include people in your life for whom you are grateful. This starts your day with a fresh perspective that brings with it feelings of hope, peace and happiness. Regardless of your circumstances, each day is truly a gift, and gratitude is always the appropriate response to such a gift.
May you be happy, healthy and safe.
Donna