Most of us have read enough self-care articles to write a book on the topic. We probably even realize that self-care is even more important as the coronavirus pandemic heaps additional stressors on us such as:
– isolation from friends and loved ones.
-financial concerns due to job loss or income reduction
– working from home, sometimes accompanied by taking care of young children or elderly parents.
-home schooling or helping your children with virtual learning when the schools are unable to open.
– keeping up with ongoing household tasks.
Unfortunately, when most of us are trying to figure out how we are going to get everything accomplished, we prioritize our family, our jobs, our errands, even helping our friends with their errands. In fact, many of our “to do” lists don’t even include an item similar to “take care of me.” And if it does, how often do you actually get around to doing the “you thing” on your list?
Why is self-care so important?
OK – so you don’t get around to doing things for yourself. Does it really matter? Is self-care really so important?
The easiest answer is found in this old proverb: You cannot pour water from an empty cup. You can’t be as productive, and you can’t give to others when you have nothing left to give. Your relationships are likely to take quite a hit as well. I don’t know about you, but I know what happens in my life when I am not including time for self-care in my daily activities. “Cranky” sums it up pretty well – to say nothing of snippy and less understanding with others.
Self-care is especially important during a health crisis. If you had a chance to read The COVID-19 Fear Factor and How You Can Cope, (click here) you know that reactions to the anxiety surrounding an infectious disease outbreak typically includes fear and worry, irritability, and sadness and/or depression. Symptoms also include difficulty sleeping or concentrating, worsening of chronic health problems, and increased use of alcohol, tobacco and other drugs. But if you aren’t yet convinced that it is important to add self-care to an already overpacked calendar, ask yourself these questions:
- Am I feeling burned out?
- Do feel depressed or lethargic?
- Do I have difficulty concentrating; are my thoughts racing?
- Am I experiencing increased frustration, irritability, edginess?
- Do I have difficulty falling and staying asleep?
- Am I self-medicating with alcohol and other drugs?
Why is self-care so hard?
We all know self-care is important. But as noted above, if self-care even makes it on the list of things you want to do each day, it is usually at the very bottom. We don’t prioritize it. Why that happen?
It turns out that one reason, for women at least, is that we simply aren’t socialized to take care of ourselves. As we are growing up, we are taught to people-please and to put others first. Sadly, many people, especially women, have to experience a wake-up call – (see your answers to the above questions) – to notice the toll their jam-packed lifestyle is taking on them and on their lives.
Another factor that plays a role in determining what gets included in our daily activities is that in our society both men and women often feel that our value is tied to our output. Welcome over-achievers! We believe that if we don’t work hard at everything we do, we won’t be liked and respected (even by ourselves.) Think perfectionism.
And finally, the reality for most of all right now is that our world feels upside down. With all the additional responsibilities due to “lock down”we are busier than ever before. We are barely able to keep our heads above water. How can we possibly work self-care into our day?
Simply put, it comes down to this. Committing to a lifestyle that includes self-care requires a different mind-set. As strange as it seems, you may find that you have to get rid of the guilt about self-care and be less concerned about 24/7 productivity. Give yourself permission to put you on your “to-do” list, and give yourself the gift of self-care.
Tips for including self-care into your daily life
The best way to make any behavior change is to make it as simple as possible, realistic, and achievable. Start small! Schedule it. On your “to do list” it might look like this: “My gift to myself for today is —–”)
Below is a list of self-care ideas. Look over the list and choose even one item that you think you could squeeze into your day. The key is to try. It doesn’t have to be done perfectly. As you make self-care a regular part of your day, it becomes a habit. This is the secret to self-care. Making your self-care activity a habit means you don’t second guess doing it. Just like brushing your teeth, you don’t feel guilty prioritizing it.
Tips to get you started
- Enjoy a hot cup of tea.
- Read a book for 20 minutes.
- Get a manicure or pedicure (or give yourself one.)
- Turn off your phone for 30 minutes (OMG–did I really say that?)
- Light and enjoy a scented candle.
- Spend time with positive people (if only with a phone call). Avoid energy zappers.
- Do deep breathing for five minutes.
- Go for a walk or a run.
- Eat healthy meals. Avoid emotional eating.
- Learn to say “no.” (This is a setting boundaries thing.)
- Spend time with animals. (See “Share your life with a pet that loves you.” — click here)
- Practice Metta.
Metta is a loving-kindness meditation. It is the simple practice of directing heartfelt wishes for the well-being of oneself and others. By practicing Metta, we cultivate our capacity for loving-kindness, toward ourselves and in support of one another. In my experience, the short practice of Metta is one of the most soothing and uplifting self-care practices I have found. If you wish, give it a try, follow these brief instructions:
First extend these well-wishes to yourself as follows:
May I be safe.
May I be happy.
May I be healthy.
May I live with peace and ease
You then extend these same good wishes to individuals (and animals) for whom you care deeply and who care for you by repeating the mantra, substituting the word “you” for “I” (i.e. May you be safe; may you be happy; may you be healthy; may you live with peace and ease).
Next you extend blessings to other, more difficult people in your life, using the same mantra as above (may you be safe, etc.).
And finally, you bring to mind all the people of the world, regardless of the race, ethnicity or religious background, wishing kindness to them as you repeat the mantra, substituting the word “we” for “you,” starting with “May we be safe, etc.”).
In Summary
- Self-care is crucial for your physical, emotional and mental well-being.
- It is easy to get side-tracked from even our best self-care intentions.
- There are a number of easy self-care activities you can do to promote better physical, emotional and overall well-being (quality of life.)
- Start small. You don’t have to exercise or meditate for an hour. Fifteen minutes (even less) can be a lovely gift to your mind and body.
- Pay attention to how you feel as you start practicing some of the self-care suggestions. That can be rewarding in itself.
- Make your self-care a habit (no guilt) and improved quality of life will follow.
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