Hi Everyone,
As I was thinking about what I would like to share with you as we welcome the new year of 2021, I reflected on the year 2020. This past year has brought an almost overwhelming number of challenges: The presidential impeachment (and later acquittal), the coronavirus pandemic, wild fires, civil unrest, deep divisiveness on social, cultural and economic issues. It seemed more like a science fiction movie, but less believable!
There seemed to be one topic that is a common theme as we continue to address all of these issues: “How do we cope with challenges in our lives?”
Whether you are “out there” experiencing life to the fullest, or choosing a quieter path for your life, it is a given that each of us will cope with many challenges throughout our lifetime. Sometimes it is in the form of minor hassles such as having your battery go dead on your cell phone, or finding yourself stuck in a traffic jam.
Other problems, however, are more catastrophic and long-range, such as the diagnosis of a life threatening or fatal illness in yourself or a loved one. It is this type of setback that provides the greatest challenge, but also the greatest opportunity for stretching yourself to be more than you ever thought you could be. Here are some strategies for dealing with adversity that work for me.
1. Take one day at a time.
A few years ago, while facilitating a discussion group on Aging With Vitality, I asked what advice each person would give to others who might be coping with difficult life situations. Several participants said, “I would tell them to take things one day at a time.” One particularly inspiring woman who, along with teaching full time, took care of her husband throughout 15 years of significant illness, put it this way”
“As I look back on it, I know that I couldn’t have made it through that journey without a way of life that I internalized from an article I read. The title of that article was ‘Just for Today’. I realized that I could do something for twenty-four hours that would appall me if I felt I had to do it for a lifetime. My approach to life after his death has been much the same as my approach to his health situation — one day at a time. Take care of yourself for that day. Get up, get dressed, and participate in life. Surround yourself with friends. Don’t let your mind dwell on the negative.”
When life feels unbearable or unmanageable, people familiar with 12-step programs have long known the importance of implementing the “one day at a time” mindset. What many of us don’t know, however, is 1) why this axiom is so powerful, and 2) how to go about living one day at a time.
Research findings teach us that people who have a sense of control during a crisis suffer less and have fewer damaging effects from stress than those who view their situation as out of their control. A part of the power of the “one day at a time” approach is that we are inclined to feel a greater sense of control when we break a stressful situation down into more manageable segments.
2. Quiet your mind
The art of living one day at a time is more easily mastered when we learn to quiet our minds as a way to peaceful living. A quiet mind is healing and rejuvenating. But stilling the mind takes time, patience and practice. It also requires the cultivation of awareness of your thinking. Negative thinking, in particular, can create anxiety, dread and worry, all of which tend to drain your energy and rob you of your peace of mind. Fortunately, there are specific mind/body techniques that teach awareness and quieting of the mind that can be quickly learned. One of these techniques is Mindfulness. There is an amazing 100% free online Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) training course, created by a fully certified MBSR instructor that I would highly recommend. Check out palousemindfulness.com.
Another, and probably most commonly used technique for quieting your mind is meditation. (See strategy 3. Learn To Meditate)
3. Learn to Meditate
David Michie, author of Hurry Up And Meditate, notes that “If meditation were available in capsule form, it would be the biggest selling drug of all time. It has been scientifically proven to deliver highly effective stress relief, boost our immune system, and dramatically slow the aging process. It has also been shown to make us much happier and more effective thinkers.”
Meditation is also the most universally accepted and regularly used technique for quieting your mind. In only five to ten minutes a day, you can start training your mind to be still and quiet–an experience that provides relaxation and teaches you to be at peace.
There are many forms of meditation. My favorite form of meditation, however, is to simply sit in a quiet room, close my eyes, and focus my attention on my breath as I breathe in and out. As thoughts enter my head, I gently let them go and bring my attention back to my breath. I have found that with only a few minutes of this practice each day, I feel calmer, more relaxed, and more peaceful.
If you are interested in learning more about meditation, I would recommend that you read Hurry Up and Meditate. It is my personal favorite when it comes to information about the technical aspects of meditation and why it is helpful, as well as many suggestions for the “how-to” part of meditation.
4. See the Problem As An Opportunity
The Chinese word for CRISIS combines the characters for danger and opportunity. You can focus on fearful, negative thinking, or you can quiet your mind and focusing only on the day at hand. In this way, rather than experiencing crisis events in your life as catastrophes, you can learn to see them as challenges and opportunities for growth. These opportunities allow you to regain control and shape the life you want–one day at a time.
The Year 2021
My personal goal for 2021 is to make every day the very best day I can possibly make it, regardless of the challenges I may face. It is my hope for you that these strategies might play some small role in helping you make each day of 2021 the best day possible as well!
May you be safe, happy and healthy!
Donna