The Year 2020 in review
The year 2020 was a major challenge for most of us (to put it mildly!)
- We started the year with the introduction of the deadly coronavirus pandemic.
- The legendary Los Angeles Laker player, Kobe Bryant, and his daughter were killed in a helicopter crash on January 26.
- The killing of George Floyd occurred on May 25 and sparked the movement for racial justice and the Black Lives Matter protests
- The Dow Jones industrial average suffered its worst single-day point drop ever on March 9.
- Deadly wildfires burned millions of acres from California to Washington State.
- Extensive political turmoil and social unrest throughout the year.
And those were just a few of the things in the news in 2020! In your own life you may have experienced the loss of a loved one, losing your job, financial instability, or strained relationships with friends and/or family members.
Life events that threaten to drag us down emotionally seem to be happening all the time. We want things to get back to “normal.” We believe we can only be happy when things are the way we want them to be. And almost on a daily basis we ask the questions, “How can we live our lives when everything seems to be falling apart? “How can we find happiness and thrive in 2021 and beyond?”
Happiness Is A Choice You Make
Happiness is a choice you make. It is a perspective you choose each day. It’s what you think about, what you focus on, and the activities you engage in as a result. These concepts are among the basic foundations for lasting happiness. They are the things that will always be the key factors in the amount of joy and the happiness you experience in your life. These are the things that can bring happiness and harmony in 2021 and beyond.
The Gardens Or The Dumps
The following example about the gardens and the dumps keeps me reminded that what I focus on is always my choice. And my choice ultimately determines how much I enjoy any aspect of my life.
Imagine that you just moved to a new community and you discovered many beautiful gardens as you drove through town. There was, however, one small location that contained the town dump. Needless to say, there was very little about the town dump that was attractive. In fact, it was disgusting!
Here is the key question: In determining how you feel about the town, are you going to focus on the town’s beautiful gardens which are all around you, or are you going to give your attention to the town dump? If you choose to focus on the gardens, your experience in the community will be a very pleasant one. If, however, you decide to focus on the dump – the uglier, less desirable aspect of town – you will find that you experience very little enjoyment in the community.
Whenever you are going through a challenge in your life, what you focus on is always a choice. That choice will determine whether you experience the gardens or the dumps of life – and the feelings that go with it.
Raise Someone Else's Happiness Along With Your Own
There is a great deal of research about the perspectives, attitudes and actions that tend to bring the most happiness into your life. In my blog, “The New Normal: 12 Strategies for Achieving Happiness in The World of COVID-19” I provided twelve research-tested, happiness-enhancing activities.
All of the activities are very helpful, but my personal experience, coupled with research, has convinced me of this: The most powerful thing you can do to raise your own happiness level is to help raise someone else’s happiness level.
Reconsider the belief that personal happiness is attained by getting a better job, a larger apartment, a better boyfriend, or by your status on social media. Re-think your belief that these things will be the answer to the quest for happiness. In the end, that is not what it is all about. It is about this simple, more profound truth: Ultimately, your happiness is about raising someone else’s happiness level through the love, the kindness, and the compassion shown to one another, especially during difficult times. That is what brings the greatest joy to our lives.
Skills We Need In 2021
Covid-19 has wrought tremendous suffering throughout the world. We have undergone a great of separation and social isolation. Our political and racial issues have pushed us even further apart. We must find new ways of viewing our lives, and more meaningful connections with each other.
Finding happiness and thriving in 2021 and beyond requires that we not only consider practicing some of the activities mentioned in my “New Normal” blog. It requires that we also develop a sense of compassion and caring for the others with whom we share this planet (the animals too!) It is these qualities that create a sense of working together, cooperation within families and, indeed, the world at large.
Make Compassion A Way of Life
We hear a lot about compassion, but we seldom stop to think about what compassion entails. Compassion isn’t just feeling sorry for someone else. Compassion is the recognition of suffering and doing something to address it. There are no specific “how-to’s”. The key is that your actions come from your heart.
Here are some of my favorite ideas for making compassion a way of life on a daily basis:
- Increase your awareness of others. Kindness grows out of noticing the needs of other people and being responsive to them. I have noticed in my own life that the busier I get, the more my awareness suffers. And kindness often takes a back seat to expediency. You may have noticed, too, that as the pressures of your busy life increase, you are more likely to become irritable and pay significantly less attention to others (strangers, family and loved ones that we have chosen to spend our lives with.) Be mindful. Notice what is going on with others around you and assist whenever possible and appropriate.
Incorporate generosity into your life. Share what you have with others – whether physical possessions, or your time and attention. One of my favorite authors on the subject of generosity is Joseph Goldstein. In one of his articles on Generosity, Goldstein notes that “Developing the habit of maintaining a generous attitude doesn’t always come easily in a culture where our worth is defined by what we have. Still, every generous act makes it more likely that you will be generous again. If you feel an urge to be generous, act on it. Then notice what happens in your mind and heart.”
- Be a source of kindness. The is the “practice random acts of kindness” thing, and it doesn’t have to cost a penny. We can spread joy to others through simple acts such as:
- Writing a note of thanks to someone who has been a source of inspiration in your life.
- Tell people when they have done a good job.
- Take the time to complete an online survey for a store employee (i.e. Walgreens) who has been helpful. Cite them by name (You may need to notice their name tag or ask their name when they are helping you.)
- If you receive an unexpected smile, put a smile on your face as a gift to the next person you see.
- Say “I love you to those who mean the most to you. Tell them how special they are to you.
4. Be a good listener. Deep listening is one of the greatest gifts of compassion we can give another person. When I was training to become a therapist and life coach, great emphasis was placed on listening for the emotions behind the words people speak. Good listeners do three things for people.
- Provide silence.
- Reflect back to the person what you understand their words to mean.
- Ask open-ended questions that cannot be answered with a yes, no, or a one-word answer. (“Tell me about your day” rather than “How was your day?”
In the words of Joan Borysenko, Ph.D., “Listening is a powerful form of communication. While the mouth is still, the heart can speak volumes about how much you care.
May you be safe, happy and healthy,
Donna